


Spaces Still Undone

by vtn



Series: And Justice For All [5]
Category: Justice (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-04-08
Updated: 2008-04-08
Packaged: 2017-11-17 09:41:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/550210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vtn/pseuds/vtn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gaspard and Xavier have a fight in LA, and Xavier disappears mysteriously.  Title is from Klaxons.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Spaces Still Undone

**Author's Note:**

> This is an explanation of the keys that Gaspard and Xavier started wearing.

Just minutes to midnight: the door cracks open and Xavier's slim shadow spreads out over the opposite wall as he enters, stretching and pulling his shirt over his head. Gaspard, still very much awake, blinks and rolls over.

"You're home early," he remarks, suddenly cold, having rolled off the warm part of the bed.

"Am I?" Xavier puts a finger on his nose and sticks his tongue out. "Did I wake you?" He wriggles out of his jeans and pulls out his belt.

"No," says Gaspard. When Xavier sighs, he elaborates: "As much as I love the scene, this city scares the shit out of me." Frowning, Xavier puts his hands on his hips.

"This part isn't that dangerous, Pedro's made sure of that." He leans over and removes his socks, grimacing presumably at the smell. "You shouldn't worry so much." Gaspard laughs—that's starting to become a catchphrase of Xavier's. Mock-threateningly, Xavier raises one fist to eye-level. "If you don't go to sleep I'll put you out for the night!"

"No, no." Gaspard raises an eyebrow. "You're probably the most dangerous thing around here."

"Oh, you bet. Watch yourself, I'm coming through!" He takes off his underwear and waves them around like nunchucks. "I'll fuck you up!" Laughing, he flops over onto the bed. After a moment, he scrabbles up the side and lays down next to Gaspard.

"I could kick you out of here, you know," he teases.

"But you won't."

"No." They lie there in the relative silence—cars rush by, sirens wail, but there's a thick pane of glass separating them from the outside world. "I'm not scared of getting shot or anything."

"Oh."

"I just hate how it's—" Xavier is laughing softly and playing with one of Gaspard's curls that has fallen into his face, pulling it out and letting it bounce back. It's highly distracting. Gaspard begins to wonder about his priorities: kiss boy or explain serious issue? He decides to go with both, and leans in close enough to let his lips brush Xavier's cheek. "Big, right, and kind of disconnected, like every part of the city is a different person and none of them really know each other. Does that make sense?"

There's a change in Xavier then; he stops playing and just leaves his hand on Gaspard's cheek.

"I know what you mean. It's the stereotypical thing to say about LA that everything here is fake, but…it is, isn't it." Xavier leans back, and then shivers. He gets under the covers and presses up close to Gaspard, who can feel his lungs expanding and contracting when he breathes. "Fuck. I don't know. There are billboards everywhere but Paris has that too. I guess—you're right, it's just nobody really looks at each other."

"I couldn't…" Gaspard yawns, pushes his nose up into Xavier's messy hair. "Tonight…"

"Yes?"

"I don't think I…" He can't remember. What was it? Sleep begins to settle in. "I couldn't have…"

"I couldn't have fallen asleep without you either," Xavier confesses, wrapping his arms tight around Gaspard's chest.

"I hope not," Gaspard mutters, and soon he's asleep too.

\---

The thing is, Gaspard's not sure whether he's just doing it to be vindictive. And he really shouldn't feel like he needs to be vindictive, not when—"Yes, please," he says, as he's just been asked if he wants a refill on his beer—not when it's obvious how much he's cared for. But as he smiles at the girl next to him, and looks a bit dazedly into her eyes, and she looks a bit dazedly back, and she asks him, "Did it hurt to get those tattoos?", and he gives his cockiest grin and says, "It is nothing I couldn't handle," he starts to wonder.

"Excuse me," he says, and he stands up. He heads for the bathroom, pushes through some sweaty bodies, opens the door, splashes water on his face. Damn it all.

"Am I dreaming, or am I just drunk?" he asks the mirror. Then he heads back across the room in search of Xavier, who he finds in the corner with a girl, talking, laughing; she's touching his arm and he's curling in his shoulders the way he does when he's charmed.

"Oh, Gaspard!" he says brightly and sweeps his bangs out of his face. "How nice to see you. I was just telling Diana here about playing at South by Southwest."

"Yes," says Gaspard, who imagines so. Xavier looks blank for a moment, then continues nattering on in English at the girl. Gaspard looks away.

\---

"You're not happy with me," Xavier says while eyeing two pairs of shoes, probably trying to choose which one to wear. "And if you're trying to make me unhappy with you, you're doing a very good job."

Gaspard doesn't really know what to say to that.

"I don't understand it," Xavier continues. "Talk to me." He chooses the black shoes over the white shoes and starts putting them on. "Tell me what your deal is."

"Your ESP is failing?" Gaspard finally says. "You can't just take it out of my head this time?" He doesn't look Xavier in the eye because he doesn't want to see his face after that.

"No, really, talk to me." Turning away, Gaspard hears Xavier standing up behind him and walking closer. "Look at me, why don't you?"

"Because every time I look at you," Gaspard says, raising his voice, "You do something sweet and make me forget. And I can't—"

"Oh, fuck off!" Xavier walks off to the other side of the room. "If a silly face or a sweet word is enough to make you forget you're angry with me, what right did you have to be angry in the first place? Maybe you should think."

"Maybe you should think," Gaspard says, turning around and facing Xavier at last. Right now Xavier's furrowed brow is just another reminded of why he's angry. "Are you even taking this seriously?"

"Of course I'm taking this seriously! If there's one thing in the world I take fucking seriously, it's you." Xavier props himself up against the far wall with one hand. "And you know why?" He's getting louder now too. "It's because you don't usually bullshit me like this. You tell me what's on your mind. We work it out! Usually I even agree with you! But you're hiding it from me, and I can't deal with that the normal way."

"You're not, though." Gaspard wanders over and picks up one of the white shoes, turning it over in his hands. "You're treating me like I should just get over it. Every time we try to have this conversation, you tell me I should get over it."

"Oh, no, fuck no, we're having this conversation again?" Xavier leans his head against the wall. "Every time, every time I reassure you, and every time you admit I'm right. I know you aren't just shutting up and dealing with it. I know what it looks like when you're unhappy. What's different this time?"

"I'm not coming to you like a dog with my head down, I'm angry."

"Right. Okay. What do you want?" Xavier stands up straight and cracks his back. "What am I supposed to do? Stop being me? Or should I just explain that I am who I am?"

"I just want you to pay a little more attention to me." A rush of anger fills him, and he suddenly wants to wipe the half-annoyed, half-confused look off Xavier's face. "And I want you to see how I feel."

"Oh, I see how you feel," says Xavier, stepping closer into the space between them. "You just can't get enough anymore. Do you want a little GPS device so you know exactly where I am at any time? Do you want a shock collar for me so I can't get too far away? Do you want the world on a silver platter with spinning rims?" What?

"How can a platter have—fuck! Stop distracting me!" Gaspard slips his hand into the shoe, feels the remnants of warmth from Xavier's foot envelop it. "I'm not being bratty. I'm not being needy."

"You're being vague is what you're being! Secretive, even. Tell me what your problem is, talk to me like the mature person you are, and I'll listen. Whine at me like I should be able to read your mind—fuck off." He turns away and gets a cigarette pack out of his pocket.

"You should know what I want," says Gaspard.

"Oh." Xavier turns back around and pushes the cigarette he was pulling out of the pack back down. "Oh. Never mind. I figured out what you were asking for." He looks a bit calm, then he strides towards Gaspard. He's going to kiss him, isn't he, just like every damn time. Using his good looks to get everything he wants.

"Don't you even dare," says Gaspard, raising his arm, but Xavier doesn't kiss him, he just punches him in the stomach.

Gaspard is in a dreamlike state for a moment, and then he's in pain, and then he grabs Xavier by his hair and tries to punch him in the nose. Xavier is slippery, though, and he wriggles away, wincing a little, and tries to get in another punch to follow the first. Gaspard won't have any of that, and he just tackles Xavier to the floor with a surprisingly satisfying thump.

He grabs Xavier's hair again, intending to knock his head against the floor, but Xavier looks at him like, do you really think that's a good idea, and Gaspard figures out the rules of this game. Fingers are safe though, and he brings the shoe down on Xavier's hand.

"You bastard," says Xavier, and brings his fist up to meet Gaspard's chin.

"Who do you think you are?" Gaspard demands, attempting to knee Xavier in the groin, which is semi-successful. Showing strength Gaspard didn't know he had, Xavier flips them both over so he's on top and makes to hit Gaspard in the face. "You little shit!"

Gaspard pushes him back down again, to which Xavier responds with "Go fuck your mother!" and they've been rolling on the floor dodging punches for Gaspard doesn't know how long when he becomes dimly aware (with Xavier's hand clutched in his hair and his own arm around Xavier's neck in a choke hold) that someone is opening the door, and then two pairs of arms are pulling them off each other, even as they scrabble to get in one last punch or kick.

"Get fucked, cocksucker!" he shouts, and Xavier shouts back, "Eat a dick!" before the door is closed behind him and Bertrand drags him presumably down the hall to the room that's actually his own.

"I can't believe you two!" says Pedro, letting go of Gaspard's arms. "I thought I could trust you. Someone down the hall phoned the desk and said they heard people fighting in French, so they got me on it. I thought I was having some kind of nightmare. You! Fighting! Before I opened the door I was hoping maybe it was just violent sex! But no!"

"Don't even talk to me about that," says Gaspard, head in his hands. A few moments later, he adds, "He punched me first."

"Yes, I'll be sure to tell his mother." Pedro's voice drips with sarcasm. "Since you two are clearly ten years old, I'm keeping you separated and I'm taking all your booze." He opens up the minifridge and collects the three bottles of beer that were still in there. "I don't want to hear another word of this. I'm not here to teach you how to behave. I'm just your record boss. If you're going to be fighting like schoolboys, I don't have to keep you around. Act like adults, or be prepared to see your asses out on the street. Goodnight, sir." No comfort here, Gaspard guesses.

Pedro leaves, and Gaspard, who can't deal with the thought of sitting there alone with his thoughts, is soon after. He goes out to a club, and another club follows that, and when he finally stumbles out of his taxi back to the hotel, dawn streaks the glass on the tops of the high rises.

\---

Over breakfast: Amandine, Ed Rec secretary and as of recently good-girl-turned-slightly-twisted, faces Gaspard with circles under her eyes even the MAC can't cover up.

"Good work," she says darkly.

"What?" He shakes his head. "This can't be about that…argument Xavier and I had yesterday, can it? Everyone fights from time to time."

"Good work," she says again. "He's gone."

"He what?"

"He's gone."

"Xavier?" Amandine slams her fist down on the table, looking at him like…the image coming to mind is a cat when you leave it out in a thunderstorm.

"No, Mickey Mouse. Yes, Gaspard, who do you think?" She waves her fork in the air. "Whatever you said to him was obviously enough to really hurt him." Huh. Maybe Gaspard should have left. Then they'd stop stroking Xavier's martyr complex. "Pedro's had me calling everywhere he can think of. His phone's turned off and the only thing he left here was a shoe. Just one shoe." Actually, maybe Amandine would stroke Xavier's martyr complex anyway. Gaspard has a sneaking suspicion she wants to get into his pants.

"He only takes one bag with him anywhere! It has his ATM card in it! Jesus."

"You're not worried about him?" she says, her eyes growing wide. Gaspard is, of course, as worried as possible. His heart is pounding about a million miles an hour, his brain is swarming with possibilities, and he feels like he's about to throw up. The hangover doesn't help.

"I'm angry at him," is what he says, though. Her face softens.

"But you are worried."

"Yes, I am that," he admits. "Because we are in LA, and he knows his way around here. And what he said to me…never mind."

"No, tell me." She puts a hand on his arm.

"It was a long time ago." Gaspard pushes some of his omelette around the plate. "We were just chatting, but he sounded really earnest. He said if I ever left him, he'd just throw himself into more of the gay lifestyle. He said that was the closest he'd ever get to what I…the way I let him live, I guess."

"And you think he'd really do that after one fight? Or was there something deeper going on?" Amandine looks really concerned now. He supposes she's on the 'Gaspard and Xavier forever' bandwagon as well, now, just like the rest of the Ed Banger world. Not that he minds that. "I guess we didn't try all the gay clubs," she says sheepishly.

"I'm going upstairs," Gaspard says. "If you want my omelette you can finish it." He doesn't even wait for an answer, just trudges up to his room.

\---

There is a small yellow sticky note on the bathroom mirror, he notices while he uses the toilet. It certainly wasn't there the last time he used the bathroom, which was right before he went out. Pulling up his jeans, he walks over to the mirror and washes his hands.

The sticky note has a drawing of an eyeball with feet and hands, and underneath it, in Xavier's unmistakable script: _Hello, I am your little friend. Wherever you go, I'll be there too._

And to think, just yesterday he was punching Gaspard in the stomach. Strange, strange man, Xavier.

\---

Since Gaspard still has a hangover, he doesn't feel like going out again. Luckily for him, Bertrand is sticking around too, so he goes over to Bertrand's room and watches television with him.

"I think it's such bullshit what Xavier did," Bertrand admits after _Mr. and Mrs. Smith_ finishes. "I love that kid but he's such a drama queen."

"Did you try to talk to him after you pulled him off me, or was he not having any of it?" Bertrand yawns and flops down onto his bed.

"I ripped into him a little, actually."

"You? Got angry at him?" A knight in shining armor, that's what Bertrand is! He should buy him something. Swarovski crystals would probably be around the mark. Being angry at Xavier on his behalf merits just about anything he can afford.

"Yes," Bertrand says, looking a bit more serious. "I thought you two were being really childish just cursing each other out, but I still called him a few names. I wanted to hit him, but I think you took care of that, didn't you?"

"You're one of my favorite people, do you know that?" Gaspard rolls over on his back and stares at the ceiling. "I think he's coming back," he admits.

"Of course he's coming back. When does he ever not?"

"When does he ever run away?" Gaspard pulls the folded sticky note from his pocket and presses it into Bertrand's hand. "Here."

"He used to do that, before you were going out. I remember he got dumped by a friend of mine, and he locked himself in a phone booth in a Metro station."

"He locked himself in a phone booth," Gaspard repeats, numbly.

"Wouldn't come out for anything. Not even his favorite sandwiches. Until his mother came down and gave him a reaming." Bertrand scratches his head, eying the note. "But with this…I don't think he's doing that kind of thing."

"He's older now."

"You're right. I think. Maybe. …Did he tell you to 'eat a dick' when I dragged him out?"

"He might have, yes."

" 'Eat a dick.' "

"Yeah."

"Right."

\---

Gaspard is getting ready in his room and desperately hoping Xavier will be back soon, considering they're going to be DJing at a party in five hours and need to get over for soundcheck even sooner than that, when he notices movement outside his door. He's going to go over and open it, but it stops. He shrugs it off and goes back to brushing mousse into his hair (girls like that, apparently).

A few minutes later, it starts again. And then stops before he can reach the door. Starts again, stops again. Maybe he's just going crazy. It's some kind of optical illusion. Or…

He goes over and opens the door. No one is there. He pushes it open wider and looks both ways down the hall, and he's about to go back into the room when he notices something is moving behind the door. From underneath the hinge, an eye blinks. Oh Lord.

"Come on, then," he says flatly, and lets Xavier scramble into the room, silent and looking shameful and holding tightly to the zipper of his jacket, which is zipped all the way up. "How long were you out there?"

"Fifteen minutes," he says under his breath. He looks kind of like he wants to die. Gaspard resists the urge to fold him up in his arms and never let go.

"Pedro and Amandine are going to murder you," he says with a tight smile.

"I know."

"Where have you been?" he says, still trying not to crack his poker face.

"Closer than you think. And sometimes further than you think."

"Still think I should eat a dick?"

At that, Xavier crumples. At first, Gaspard thinks he's started crying, which really worries him because he's only seen Xavier cry once and that was when he dropped something very heavy on his foot, so it doesn’t really count. But actually, he's laughing, and if there are a few tears in his eyes they're tears of laughter, which he wipes away quickly.

"Yes," he says, looking quite proper. "No. Maybe."

"So," says Gaspard.

"So I have to go again. But I'll see you soon."

"Where are you going?" Gaspard starts to feel his anger swell again. But he won't say a word. He's too proud.

"I can't tell you where, but I promise, I'm not going to be with anyone else."

"Oh," says Gaspard. "That's not what I—"

"I thought I should say so anyway."

Xavier is halfway out the door when Gaspard says, "I got your note."

"Good," says Xavier, and slips the rest of the way out. But he doesn't let the door close all the way, and he looks around the corner and says "I shouldn't have punched you."

"Good," says Gaspard, and for a moment, he allows himself to smile for real.

\---

Xavier arrives late to soundcheck, but he arrives when Gaspard is in the bathroom and when Gaspard emerges, there is a sticky note on their CDJs that says _I know it isn't really this easy, but I am pretending nothing happened. Until later._ It has a quickly scrawled eye underneath; clearly Xavier didn't have the time to draw his little cartoon eyeball.

Gaspard picks up the note and folds it into his pocket, and when Xavier walks over, they are both cordial. They joke playfully through the soundcheck and Gaspard even ventures to put his hand on Xavier's shoulder at one point. It feels almost like an electric shock, the whole idea of him touching Xavier when he shouldn't.

Xavier looks similarly shocked, but neither of them says a word.

\---

Dusk: Pedro has already checked them out of the hotel, and Xavier does a bit of quick-change artistry in the club toilets, emerging in almost an identical outfit to his previous one, except that he's wearing his other leather jacket, a different girls' T-shirt, black jeans instead of white, and white shoes instead of black. And there's something glittering around his neck, in addition to the pyramid charm he usually wears.

"Is that new?" Gaspard asks. Xavier's reaction is completely unexpected: he freaks.

"Yes! No! Yes!" he shouts, stuffing it back into his jacket. And, quieter, "Shit."

"Tell me." Gaspard folds his arms. "What's the worst I could do?" Xavier looks resigned and wordlessly removes it from his neck, dropping it into Gaspard's hand. The chain tumbles down like liquid. Xavier covers Gaspard's hands with his own before he can see.

"I know you can't buy love," he says. "But I thought…"

Xavier opens his hands. A silver key rests on the chain in Gaspard's palm.

"I thought it would be easier to find than it was. I was out all night and then all morning looking for this! I just came back to steal snacks from the minifridge and leave that sticky note." He puts his head in his hands. "You don't like it, do you."

Like it? Gaspard is practically being torn apart by how much he loves it, and, moreover, Xavier, right now. Quietly, he lifts it up and puts it back over Xavier's head, pressing the silver key to Xavier's heart.

Xavier's eyes meet his own, wide open.

\---

One party later, at which Xavier continues to flirt with groupies but doesn't take off that key necklace even once, they're on the bus heading toward another hotel in another city.

"Don't be ridiculous," Gaspard says. Xavier, clad in nothing but a pair of boxers, is climbing into 'his' bunk, i.e. the one no one ever uses. "You're not allowed."

Xavier grins and gleefully hops down, then climbs the ladder up to Gaspard's, at which point Gaspard notices something.

"You're still wearing it."

"Yep."

"I shouldn't have—" Gaspard stops himself. He's about to fall into the same trap as before. "No. I should have gotten mad at you, because you were being obnoxious. But tonight you weren't, so I'm glad."

"I'm not going to stop, I don't think," Xavier admits. "I mean, there are two things I don't know how to quit doing."

"Smoking and listening to Julien Clerc?" Gaspard teases, elbowing him in the side.

"Damn it, I guess there are a lot more than two things I can't quit." Xavier sighs. "I was mainly referring to sleeping around and loving you, though." Gaspard's stomach flips.

"What was the second one?" he says, smiling.

"I love you," says Xavier. Gaspard opens his mouth to say something, but Xavier continues: "I love you and no one else. I really like sex—it makes me happy, it makes other people happy, that makes me happier. But you…make me go insane. Every day. And I mean it's the most amazing…" He shakes his head.

"I was lonely, that's all," says Gaspard.

"I should be good and come back to you early. I should ask you why you're sad instead of trying to cheer you up by pretending nothing's wrong. I should wait until—"

"Stop," says Gaspard. "I mean, that's really why…why I was angry with you. I know you know what I look like when I'm unhappy, and I was so unhappy about being in LA, even though the parties are great, but you didn't ask, you just ran off to bed with some girl so you wouldn't have to deal with it."

"Yes, I did," says Xavier.

"Really? That's it? You're not going to say it was all a big misunderstanding?" Gaspard isn't annoyed, just surprised.

"Yes. I don't ever know what to do when you're sad. It does bother me." He leans into the pillow. "I don't know what the answer is. I want everything to be perfect, all the time."

"Doesn't everybody?"

"Well, yes." He smiles. "I'll do my best."

"I guess I shouldn't have gotten so angry," Gaspard admits. Then he grins. "On the other hand, it was kind of fun getting to raise my voice. And I'm better in a fight than I think."

Xavier rubs his eye and then says softly, "You can do that whenever you want." The look on his face tells Gaspard everything he needs to know, and makes his head spin a little.

"Don't make me fuck you right here where everyone can hear us," he warns, fiddling with the key in his fingers.

"I'm sorely tempted."

Gaspard gently pulls on the Xavier's chain, and Xavier narrows his eyes playfully.

"Ooh, you are asking for it, aren't you?" Xavier says.

"It really does mean a lot," Gaspard says. "That you got that."

"The key."

"Yeah."

"I never want to take it off." Xavier plays with it, looking bizarrely like a little kid and yet incredibly sexual at the same time, like he's two separate people at once. Gaspard is suddenly acutely aware of how much he missed Xavier over the past day, and he pulls him into his arms.

"You know, we've been together more than four years now."

"Yeah." Xavier beams and wriggles happily.

"And I still missed the hell out of you all day."

"Me too, you know," Xavier says matter-of-factly. "It didn't help that the last thing I had said to you in person was 'eat a dick'."

"Maybe I will, then," Gaspard says, suggestively, and he's about to start nuzzling down Xavier's chest when Pedro and Amandine shout from across the curtain, "Not while we're here you don't!"

"Hypocrites!" he and Xavier shout back, laughing hysterically; the moon is bright outside the window, there is a near-nude and absolutely gorgeous boy in his arms who also happens to be his best friend, and maybe he doesn't hate California at all.


End file.
